It's really crazy how fast time goes by. It has been a year since I have actually thought about this blog site, A whole sememster of college and a summer and fall have gone by. friends have changed, family has expanded and I am back at the same college in the same room, on the same bed but with a new roommate (who has the same name as my last one). It's amazing to look back and see how much I have overcome in the last year since first leaving for college. There has been so much pain to overcome and so much hurt to forgive and so many people to meet and relationships to build and insecurities to overcome. When I first started the long (three day drive) out to the college with my family, I had just finished spending a year at home working and spent an extended summer back in an old, unofficial relationship which had been going on (and off) for way too long. When I left, I told myself that I was leaving it all behind me and I tried only to find that people are so quick to forget about me and abandon any hope that may have been. (which may have been just what I needed). In March I officially ended this relationship that had unofficially caused so much hurt and confusion for so long and it felt so good to know something about it for sure: it was over and I finally had a sense of stability in it.
Coming home for the summer re-opened great wounds that I had been carrying still but it also helped me to be able to close them once and for all. it reminded me of the book the shack and having to go back and look the painful places and people in the eyes to be able to see them for what theyre really worth. So much had also changed in my friends, or maybe in me and it just wasnt the same joy to be around them anymore, i was dissatisfied with them. I felt lonely but also experienced many new things and built on relationbships that had long been overdue to develop.
Now here we are half way through November, the miracle month, as they call it, and I am once again trying to survive it. The dynamics at this place are so much different than last year, no one is as connected with eachother as we were last year, our friendships have become distant and I hate it! Life seems all the more busy, which is only because I have been taking on more and more but not less lonely than before. I am so blessed with amazing close friends and new friendships developping but am still praying also for God to move in bigger ways in us all.
I have been praying that God would move in me in new ways and even took some brave steps and made some bold commitments to Him and have seen the affects of that. when you ask God to move and change you, He will and it's good but a thick road to walk on. May He start a revival and may He start it in me.
