So I have been back at school for ten days now; moved into a new dorm, new roommates, 2 weeks of new classes and since arriving here I have been flooded with so many different emotions and contemplations and have often thought about these many things that I could write a blog on and wanted to but as time did not permit, I was unable to at those times. To trail back through a few of those thoughts and potential blogs, I have firstly been feeling the blessing and also strains of having changed dorms; away from some of my very closest friends and also away from the meal plan that I had for my first two years. Although this has been a great way for God to continue to teach me and continue to show me more about what seems to be a big theme in my life lately, due to this very fact, it has also been quite challenging. That theme and lesson is in regards to being still and quiet in Him. I, although sometimes timid am a very social and outgoing person around those I am close to and am also someone who continuously gives of my time and energy to different people in need and organizations as well and at the end of last year I felt God telling me that this year I needed to learn to step back, relax and be still in Him. Now being in this separate and also considered 'mature' housing has proven to be much more relaxing in some aspects but also at times tends to feel lonely in that fact that those close friends of mine are all continuing to have eachothers' time and company while I am in a whole other building missing out on those times.
Another thing that has been laid a bit heavy on my heart is my soon in hand decision as to where I am going to go on my main internship this summer. As much as I could say there are certain places that I would love to go, I know that it is not so much about where I want to go as to where it is God would like me to serve and will be able to best use me and build me.
This year I am looking forward to seeing in what ways God will shape me and change me, in what ways He will prepare me and make me more who I am called to be. There are so many things in my life right now that seem unanswered and I am just longing and crying out for answers but again, I need to remember the gift and power of just being silent in my God and listening. Why should it be awkward or uncomfortable to just be in the presence of your God and Saviour; of the one who knows and loves you more and better than anyone or thing else does or ever could.
I am so easily lead astray and needing to be reigned in once again but I am just thankful that when I do try to take control. God still has the lead in His hands and will pull back the reigns and calm me and bring me to again be still in Him.
There are so many hurts and pains and so many questions left unanswered and sometimes there is nothing to say and nothing to do but weep in despair of the loss and confusion, but what we must see is that even when things like this happen and the unthinkable happens and you are left with nothing but shock in your heart, a ball in your throat and a twist in your stomach, GOD IS THERE and as these things happen, He does not always cause them and there is comfort, somehow, in knowing that He is sovereign and He is Good even when nothing else seems to be so.
